Moving on

 

Last August was my last month working in the company I have worked at for the past 6 years. Almost everyone that I know cannot believe that I am leaving this job, literally because in all these years I have always bragged on how much I love my job. I really am. I loved it so much that it got to the point where it was not only something that I got my income from. It was more than that. I have the greatest boss ever, not only one, but two great bosses that can't possibly found somewhere else. Me and my colleagues, we really go along well. And I really do believe that I am doing good in here.

However, as much as I love my job and everything related to that, I always know that my passion is not in here, this is not something that I want to do for my future. I always know that what I want is to have my own business... even if it's a small one.

January this year, I finally doing what I have wanted to do but not enough courage to really take action. I finally submitted my resign letter.

It was hard. I rephrase... It was super hard. It was so damn hard that there were times where I can't even made up my mind. One day I was so sure that I wanted to resign, then I get to work, doing all those things that I enjoy and my mind changed again,  having second thought thinking that I could do two things in once. I don't want to let go of my position, my status, my stable income, my colleagues, my bosses. I  just simply don't want to let go the "safe road".

My bosses were kind enough to offer me in doing both things at the same time, you know I really could if I want to, I just have to manage my time really well. But got to think again, is this what I really want? Or I was just being too afraid on leaving my comfort zone that I end up being too greedy in wanting both. I was stressed up and devastated not knowing what I should choose, but I said to my self that I have to be strong and courageous. Wanting both sometimes could lead to losing both. I have to be focus on what I really want, and I think it will be unfair to the company if I do both things. So I decided to resign.

 

I am not a risk taker, and leaving all these stable good things to pursue something that I don't even know where it will lead me to was surely a risk. I was too afraid... of failing, of regretting. But I always remember a phrase that one of my distributors said "if you don't control your fear, your fear will control you".

I don't believe in the saying that time can heal anything, I believe that it can be healed when our hearts let it. And my heart did. I let my heart not to be so stressed in thinking of all the failing and regretting. There is nothing need to be regretted. If say my online store didn't work out, or whatever happens, I still have many things to explore. I will regret it more if I never even give it a shot.

"You'll be ok". said one of my boss which I forever consider as my mentor, Mr. Jerry Lu. 

People who doesn't really know me well would say me wishy washy, but the truth is they just didn't know what I felt about this company, how this company changed me to be a better person, how strong my bonding are with all of them related here, how amazingly supportive my bosses to me that I can't just leave them. Sometimes, people who can't be empathize would better just shut their mouth instead of saying something hurtful to hear.

Despite all those people who just can't put their position at my shoes, I am blessed to have people who always support me. There are too many to be exposed here, from my family, my best friends, my colleagues, my bosses but they are few persons that I really thankful for always being there listening, holding me going through those though days:

1. My mother - for all those motherly advise when all I did was crying. 

2. My husband - for believing in me, in every step and every decision I made. For being the first person who told me "you will never know unless you give it a try". For being so patience in accompany me in my buying trips, and for just being you. 

3. My friend, Veronica Agustine - for all the long phone calls and BBM chat just to support me, comforting me and listening to all the same talks again and again. 

I know if there's a will, there's a way and now I am ready to move on. Wish me luck!